ABC Distributing 091111

Merry Capitamas(?)

Quotation MarksI know I’m not the first to gripe about Capitalism Christmas (or Capitamas), but September 9th is just crazy early to receive my first Christmas catalog. In addition to the ridiculous date, though, this tome contained some priceless gems too good to pass up for a Mid-Week Giggle. I hope you laugh as much as I did! :-)

Elvis Potato Head 090811

Is this meant to be flattering?

Mood Polish 090811

The husbands out there might appreciate this, but the wives are all saying, “But he should already know what I’m thinking.”

Friend Cutting Board 091111

Are knives supposed to be a part of friendship?

Flavored Lip Balm 090811

Wait…I was supposed to do what with them? I thought they were for dessert.

Love Plaque 091111

Does anyone else see an argument brewing?

Written on September 14th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle
Nothing New Under the Sun

Under the Sun

Quotation MarksSolomon once said, “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, ‘Look! This is something new?’” (Ecclesiastes 1:9, 10) And I thought, Really? Pshaw. That can’t be true. He never saw HMOs, Spam®, pet rocks, fly paper, Rock’em Sock’em®, Velcro®, disco,…Oreos®(!). All sorts of new things. With some contemplation, though, I began to discern that he is speaking rhetorically about humanity’s tendencies and habits. As an example, I cite Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey as witness of just how immutable male and female traits remain, even two centuries later.

First, a little background about Jane Austen and her work. Jane Austen is a much beloved British novelist from the turn of the 18th century, who is known for her ready wit and acid tongue. Of her six novels, I find her at her sarcastic best in Northanger Abbey, her satire of Gothic romance novels, which always leaves me giggling to myself. She has a running commentary throughout the novel about society, etiquette and the duplicity sometimes concealed therein. What I couldn’t overlook, though, was her portrayal of the characteristics of men and women of that period, because they are almost identical to modern stereotypes these more than two hundred years later.

Let me here quote from Northanger Abbey: “…they all three set off in good time for the Pump-room, where the ordinary course of events and conversation took place: Mr. Allen, after drinking his glass of water, joined some gentlemen to talk over the politics of the day and compare the accounts of their newspapers; and the ladies walked about together, noticing every new face, and almost every new bonnet in the room.” That could be any mall or modern meeting place, if one simply substitutes “cup of coffee” for “glass of water,” and “outfit” for “bonnet.”

Which of you men out there haven’t rolled your eyes at a wife/girlfriend’s exchange that sounds something like this? “Compliments on good looks now passed; and, after observing how time had slipped away since they were last together, how little they had thought of meeting in Bath, and what a pleasure it was to see an old friend, they proceeded to make inquiries and give intelligence as to their families, sisters, and cousins, talking both together, far more ready to give than to receive information, and each hearing very little of what the other said.” Blah. Blah. Blah. “…Mrs. Allen had no similar information to give, no similar triumphs to press on the unwilling and unbelieving ear of her friend, and was forced to sit and appear to listen to all these maternal effusions, consoling herself, however, with the discovery, which her keen eye soon made, that the lace on Mrs. Thorpe’s pelisse was not half so handsome as that on her own.”

And which of you women out there wouldn’t recognize this discussion about a much-prized new vehicle? “Curricle-hung, you see; seat, trunk, sword-case, splashing-board, lamps, silver moulding,—all, you see, complete; the iron-work as good as new, or better. He asked fifty guineas. I closed with him directly, threw down the money, and the carriage was mine.” And the accompanying “engine”: “But look at his forehand; that horse cannot go less than ten miles an hour: tie his legs, and he will get on.”

As absurd as it sounds, perhaps Solomon was correct; there is nothing new under the sun! However, considering that the spouse-unit and I are interested in neither of these stereotypical colloquy topics, perhaps we are new under the sun! Or just a pair of fruit loops. ;-)


Written on September 7th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle
Mid-Week Giggle

You’re how old?

Quotation MarksAging…it hunts us all down eventually, so why not invite It in to have a cup of coffee, a pastry, and make friends with it. It’s sitting there on the doorstep anyway, so why ignore it? Here is my attempt at making friends…

  • the only one who thinks you’re cool is the HVAC serviceman
  • you begin to wear out your slippers faster than your gym shoes
  • you’re only 45, but you have a grandchild older than a nicely aged wine
  • the doctors begin calling you “Sir or Ma’am”
  • if you tried to pluck all your gray hairs you would look like a wombat with mange.
  • you discover your five-year-old niece knows how to use Facebook and you do not. (true story)
  • you have scars older than the recent Oscar winner
  • your neighbor sends their kids to ask you what a chalkboard is
  • your waistline is now longer than your inseam
  • you wonder why you ever thought it was fun to stay over night with a friend, eat candy and soda until you were sick, watch movies, listen to music and laugh until four in the morning, sleep on a hard floor, arise at eight in the morning and return home
  • you still whine about homework, but now you mean: weeding, laundry, shoveling, vacuuming, painting, scrubbing, etc.
  • when others exclaim about the rolls and muffins you brought to the potluck, they are referring to the ones around your waist
  • you think it endearing that so many young people seem to be ornitho-philes, and frequently “twitter” on about their hobby
  • your grandchild practices counting…using your age spots
  • the only “grass” you contemplate using is as a means to increase fiber in your diet
  • the only bottles you’re “hitting” are prescription bottles
  • you are astonished to learn that a “pad” no longer has margins and rule lines, and you can’t figure out any way to use a pencil with it
  • your coworkers child wants you to help them with their civil war history homework; they want a first-person account
  • you no longer choose what to eat based on what sounds good, but rather what won’t exacerbate your: heartburn, indigestion, cholesterol, diabetes, blood pressure, etc.
  • you’re flattered that hostesses begin to “card you” until you realize it’s for the senior discount
  • math finally begins to make sense: age is definitely inversely proportional to sex appeal

As long as your going to sit there and sag, wrinkle, and gray, you might as well laugh about it with the rest of us. :-)


Written on August 31st, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle
Moo Means Moo

I would never have guessed that without the aside.

Quotation MarksTranslating anything can be formidable, but witty dialog, colloquialisms and idioms are especially tricky. The spouse-unit, who has a Masters’ degree in German, can attest to the complexity of employing connotation versus denotation. The subtitle translations included here are nowhere near that subtle, or even lucid, for that matter. We must, of course, be charitable, and recognize that English is probably not their native language. And heck, they are doing a better job than I can, as I am functionally illiterate in all languages other than English. (We can debate my English literacy level later.) We can giggle (or guffaw, as the case may be) to ourselves, but we can overlook their (Dare I say it?) superfluity of, albeit unintentional, foe paws. (Uh, faux pas?)

The captioning blunders, however, are a different matter. After all, closed-captioning® is for the hearing-impaired, not by the hearing-impaired, the implication being, closed-caption-ers can indeed hear, and are captioning in their native language. Needless to say (though I shall anyway), they haven’t much in the way of an excuse, and yet they provide no shortage of giggles themselves. And thank goodness for that, as they can now (hopefully) provide all you working serfs out there a much-needed giggle. Enjoy!


Silly Subtitles

Manly Dedication

Defending her honor, picking weeds and other yard work, or rearranging the furniture for the fourth time?

“I threat you! I challenge you meet me on the roof tonight for a duet!”

“A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.”

“I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!”

Afro Nun

Would an Afro show underneath a wimple and veil? Never, never throw away common sense that it far too uncommon!

“Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feats on some butt of the giant lizard person.”

“Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.”

“This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.”
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Written on August 24th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle

Learn How Scientists Discovered that Rats Laugh

Quotation MarksDo you ever have times when your inner-giggle gauge is stuck on empty? I have had a rough couple of weeks (perhaps you have, too), and my in-the-red giggle-gauge is showing the effects. I just could not find my inner-giggle this week, even with ideas I had previously set aside to post and had obviously found funny at the time.

Sunday I began trolling the Net for ideas…nothing funny, at least to a gray mood. On I went following a faint trail of sparks that led hither and yon with only an occasional hint of a Mona Lisa smile (How can I tell if she is smiling?) for all the hours wandering the dark alleyways and dead ends in the who-knows-where backwaters of the Net. Then yesterday I resorted to the Main Street environs, or its web counterpart, YouTube. (I know it has millions of entertaining videos, but I somehow feel like I’m “cheating” by resorting to well-known material.) Nonetheless, here I am “cheating” again this week.

Although I have no recollection of my original search, I happened upon an educational video regarding rats laughing. Yes, I know, how effective can an educational video be for inducing a mid-week giggle, however, it was the first mouse-click (rat-click?) that induced a smile.

Okay…confession time. I love rats. Yes, those ugly, creepy, dirty, destructive rodents. This will come as no shock to many of you who know me; after all, I fell in love with a gecko that lived under my cockatoo’s cage, made room for rock squirrels to live in my shed (alas, the spouse-unit wasn’t as thrilled as I about them destroying a broom to use for nesting material), and empathized with a frightened cockroach in the local mall. Thus, my initial interest in the video was the rats, but I chose the video because I was simply delighted to listen to the rats giggle whenever they were tickled, and I wanted to share that delight with you.

Then I realized I had this week’s Mid-Week Giggle. What better lesson in laughter than to watch and listen to some of God’s simplest creations express their delight with life. So…for your mid-week pleasure and edification, as well as mine, a lesson in laughter from God and His Creation. I hope you will join in with their laughter, as did I! Thank You, Lord, for renewing my inner-giggle! :-)


Why does Darth Vader come to mind?

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Written on August 17th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle

Jack Russell Terrier on Valium

Quotation MarksIf you’ve never met Jack Russell, it’s because he was an undetectable blur running manic circles around you, but here are a few rare sightings caught on tape for your mid-week giggling pleasure. Enjoy!


Mild Case of Jack Russell Terrier Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Written on August 10th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle

Quotation MarksBill M commented in a recent post regarding the technical issues on my site, “Whoops!? What happened?” Here is my reply. Yeesh. I began troubleshooting some weirdness I discovered with my Next and Previous links. I’m always careful to change one thing at a time, and testing it before I move on to something else. However, I ran into a server caching problem, so was five steps in before I received an error. Was pretty sure I returned everything to it’s original state, but error remained. But how to be sure the server wasn’t still caching?

Waited. No improvement.

Study error message received, lines cited are REMmed out comments. Aaaarrrrgh.

Search nearby code. Nothing.

Compare with older version of local files. Nothing.

Research error message on WordPress forum. Nada.

Research error message in search engine. Zip.

Wait for help from expert programmer, Spouse-unit. No improvement.

Retrieve daily backup from server. Files corrupt.

Retrieve weekly backup from server. Files corrupt. Piles of hair all around sofa where I’m working. Send grumpy Support Ticket to host.


Get server error report. Blank. Unbelievable. Send grumpier Support Ticket to host.

Midnight. Go to bed.
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Written on August 4th, 2011 , Just for Fun
Self Repair Manifesto

Well…that’s the credo, though I think I will stick to the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution.

Quotation Marks

As you can see from my last post (below), I have had the Bad Blog Blues since last Friday, so this week’s Mid-Week Giggle was patch-worked together at the last moment. I have restored most of the functioning to the site, and hopefully, you like the new theme, too. (What do you think of the pile of peccaries in the background?) So rather than make you listen to me drone on, let’s get to the real reason you are here: the Mid-Week Giggle. We could all use one, I think. :-)


P.S. All images generously nicked from There I Fixed It blog.

Fence Across Bench

For those of you that have a nostalgic pang for the “komrade-ness” of the USSR experience.

Braided Cord

That’s great until you need to repair or replace only one of them.


Uh…don’t think I have ever been that lazy.

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Written on August 3rd, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle
Brahma Bull Tagging 072111

Victim of Tragic Tagging Assault

Quotation MarksIn many urban and some not-so-urban areas around the United States, tagging has become a scourge, and a bane to property owners of all social classes. “Artists” allow their “art” to consume their minds, and the artistic spirit move them, but I say, “Let it move them right on back to their own property.” Many conjecture that job loss, a slow economy, general malaise and the resulting boredom are to blame, but am I the only one wondering how these poor unemployed and disenfranchised teens can afford all those spray cans of paint at $4 or $5 a can? Are they forming cooperatives and buying in bulk? Are they holding up the local hardware stores, bypassing the inconsequential cash drawers, and heading to the spray paint lockup instead? (And we, here in the U.S. at least, all know how well the lockup on pseudoephedrine (Sudafed®) has worked. Read the rest of this entry »

Written on July 27th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle
Maxine Bear Attack

I don’t know about bringing along a slow uncle (any volunteers?), but that doggie bone granola bar that Floyd is holding might be interesting.

Quotation MarksI had a difficult time finding my inner giggle this week. You ever have that kind of week? Anyway, the idea for this week’s giggle originated with an amusing email from the Great Momski (Thanks, Mom!), although I decided to take it in a different direction. Who can’t use a little sarcasm in the middle of the week to make everything better? I hope you enjoy Maxine’s mordant invective as much as I do.


Maxine on Bird Watching

Y’all know my love for everything avian, but apparently Maxine lacks the twitcher (No, it’s not a new dance craze.) instinct. I suppose corporate smokers could do in a pinch. Not a lot of shivering in the Sonoran Desert, though; guess, I will have to settle for government workers sweating excessively and succumbing to heat strokes. Read the rest of this entry »

Written on July 20th, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle

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