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Mid-Week Giggle

You’re how old?

Quotation MarksAging…it hunts us all down eventually, so why not invite It in to have a cup of coffee, a pastry, and make friends with it. It’s sitting there on the doorstep anyway, so why ignore it? Here is my attempt at making friends…

  • the only one who thinks you’re cool is the HVAC serviceman
  • you begin to wear out your slippers faster than your gym shoes
  • you’re only 45, but you have a grandchild older than a nicely aged wine
  • the doctors begin calling you “Sir or Ma’am”
  • if you tried to pluck all your gray hairs you would look like a wombat with mange.
  • you discover your five-year-old niece knows how to use Facebook and you do not. (true story)
  • you have scars older than the recent Oscar winner
  • your neighbor sends their kids to ask you what a chalkboard is
  • your waistline is now longer than your inseam
  • you wonder why you ever thought it was fun to stay over night with a friend, eat candy and soda until you were sick, watch movies, listen to music and laugh until four in the morning, sleep on a hard floor, arise at eight in the morning and return home
  • you still whine about homework, but now you mean: weeding, laundry, shoveling, vacuuming, painting, scrubbing, etc.
  • when others exclaim about the rolls and muffins you brought to the potluck, they are referring to the ones around your waist
  • you think it endearing that so many young people seem to be ornitho-philes, and frequently “twitter” on about their hobby
  • your grandchild practices counting…using your age spots
  • the only “grass” you contemplate using is as a means to increase fiber in your diet
  • the only bottles you’re “hitting” are prescription bottles
  • you are astonished to learn that a “pad” no longer has margins and rule lines, and you can’t figure out any way to use a pencil with it
  • your coworkers child wants you to help them with their civil war history homework; they want a first-person account
  • you no longer choose what to eat based on what sounds good, but rather what won’t exacerbate your: heartburn, indigestion, cholesterol, diabetes, blood pressure, etc.
  • you’re flattered that hostesses begin to “card you” until you realize it’s for the senior discount
  • math finally begins to make sense: age is definitely inversely proportional to sex appeal

As long as your going to sit there and sag, wrinkle, and gray, you might as well laugh about it with the rest of us. :-)

—AdL

Written on August 31st, 2011 , Just for Fun, Mid-Week Giggle

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COMMENTS
  1. Bill M commented

    Too true… :)

    I especially related to the slippers vs. gyms shoes one… :)

    August 31, 2011 at 4:05 AM
    • AdL commented

      Me too, unfortunately. :-O

      August 31, 2011 at 8:54 AM
  2. STW commented

    …your hiking boots, which are still in good shape, are older than your niece who just graduated from college.
    …you are technically old enough to be the grandparent of the college students you are teaching.
    …you realize that the car being reminisced about at a reunion in a current commercial is the one you are still driving.
    …your camera, computer, stereo system and phone are four separate items, none of which fit in your pocket.
    …your car still has a tape deck, and you still have tapes to put into it.
    …you call yourself an “old fogey” and realize that no one listening knows what you mean.
    …you see your childhood toys on TV being sold as antiques.

    August 31, 2011 at 8:09 AM
    • AdL commented

      Yeah, it’s also scary when the music you danced to in high school is considered an “oldie” and is now retro-chic. :-P
      Thanks for adding to the list, STW!

      August 31, 2011 at 8:57 AM
  3. Michelle Sheridan commented

    Be forewarned, said niece is still holding out hope for a cell phone and laptop for christmas. Oh, and she now gets $5 per tooth from the Tooth Fairy. Have I mentioned that she just lost her 6th one…!?

    August 31, 2011 at 9:17 AM
    • AdL commented

      Good Lord…that is some kind of inflation! I only received ­¢25, and on a really good night a silver half-dollar—that’s ¢50 to you youngsters. Do you suppose the Tooth Fairy ever honors back pay requests? It seems that stingy wench owes me $133 in principal, plus loss of accrued interest all these year (I shall refrain from saying how many). That could be in the hundreds of thousands! If not, at least, if I calculate it correctly, and I ever need some quick cash, I could make $160 in one night (I still have my wisdom teeth)! Good to know. ;-)

      August 31, 2011 at 9:39 AM
  4. RD commented

    The computer you had when you were growing up was a sliderule — and it STLL WORKS!

    August 31, 2011 at 6:43 PM
    • AdL commented

      No blue screen of death? Yay!

      September 14, 2011 at 12:37 PM

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